Metal Detecting Senior Sued by Gollum After Finding Magic Ring

He thought it was just another lucky find. Senior citizen Mort Goldblath said he was ecstatic after he found a gold ring with his metal detector while beach combing in South Florida. It wasn't until he took it home that the harrassment began.
"I started noticing this scrawny little jerk following me around." Goldblath related in court documents. "He looked like somebody had shaved a ninety year old ape. Everywhere I go, there he was! Then, after a couple of weeks he started calling me up. At first he'd just call and hang up. But pretty soon he started blathering on about how I'd stolen his precious. Well I told that little dirtball that I hadn't ever stolen a thing! If he wanted to find jewelry like that he could just go out and invest in a Bearcat 260 metal detector like I did! But he wouldn't listen. One day he even showed up at my front door! So I got my double barrelled twelve gauge out and asked that little creep just how bad he wanted that ring! All he did was mutter and look pissed and walk away. But then, a month later, I get this summons!"
Frustrated by Goldblath's refusal to turn over the ring, the creature Gollum hired prominant Miami attorney Harold Sharkus to litigate.
"My client's position is simple." Sharkus stated in court documents. "He possessed the magic ring for many years, giving him unnaturally long life. But now, when the dark lord is on the verge of returning and accepting the Republican nomination for president, the ring of power is trying to escape Gollum's grasp. Nontheless, it still remains the property of my client, who intends to return with it to his moldy cave so he can stare at it for hours at a time while drooling."
Goldblath responded in the press last week, stating that the whole thing was "bull puckey".
"I found that thing fair and square. And I aint parting with it peacefully! What's mine is mine! After all, it's precious to me!"