Body of Satan Possessed by Richard Nixon

With nowhere else to go for help the minions of hell officially appealed to the Vatican for aid today. Frantic for assistance they revealed that for some months the physical body of Satan has been under the control of Richard Nixon, whose evil was able to overpower that of the Prince of Darkness and possess him.
The first clue that something was amiss took the form of an edict in the nether regions that demanded the little dog 'Checkers' be resurrected and brought to Satan's Pain Fortress. Soon other, equally puzzling edicts appeared. Satan demanded that Hell open relations with Purgatory and had his servants remove all recording equipment from his offices. Sources near Lucifer claimed that his body began to appear doughy, pale and flaccid. According to one demon," He was always nasty. I mean, he was the devil, right? But suddenly he was more than evil. He was a really shifty character. All of the sudden he wasn't the good, honest evil doer he had always been. He had become a back stabbing son of a bitch. Hell, lets be honest, the guy became a damn supply-sider!"
Other minions of hell agreed, describing the change as 'unsettling'. They chafed at Satan's sudden claims to have a 'secret plan' to end the war with Heaven. As another demon stated, "finally, when he started bombing dog heaven, we realized what had happened. This guy was Nixon! Nixon had possessed the body of our leader!"
While the Pope had no official comment, his bishops have confirmed plans for an exorcism.