Drunken Archeologist Finds "Biggest Bunch of #$*@ing Giant Bones You Ever Saw!"

Archeologist Johnny Walker (PhD) met with reporters in Indonesia today to discuss his latest find. "It's un#$*&ing believable!" he insisted in a slurred voice, as his eyes rolled wildly.
"I was on this rocking four day bender out by the pyramids and I saw this monster, right? I mean, it was big! Like elephant big! It was an elephant! And it spoke with this unearthly voice, see? It said, Johnny, I'm an elephant! So you must follow me! And I did, dude! I did!"
What was to follow was a harrowing tale of survival which led the archeologists through several egyptian monuments. A fact which is doubly puzzling because, as stated earlier, he is working in Indonesia.
"Then, after we got out of the hind end of the Sphinx, he showed me this secret cave, right? And inside was this pile of human bones. But they weren't human bones. They were gigantic! And there was the ruins of Atlantis there, and these monkeys that could talk. Oh man, I'm gonna hurl!"
After vomiting and staggering around in a circle trying to fend off invisible birds, the archeologist continued his tale.
"So, this elephant, he like tells me about how everybody in Atlantis was a gaint, right? And that's why it sank, okay? Because everybody was so heavy! And so I said, "wow, that's heavy" to the elephant! Get it? Well, I'm getting real hungry, cause all I had to eat were these brownies my friend Stoner sent me from the states. So I'm looking around and I find this can of spam, dude! Like, that's the secret of spam! It came from mother#*&@ing Atlantis!"
At this point Walker sat back with a satisfied look and refused to answer any more questions. It was nearly five minutes before anyone thought to check his pulse only to discover that he had died from an overdose of rubbing alcohol. The responding doctors believe this explains why his breath smelled strongly of Old Spice. To date, no plans have been put forth to expand on Dr. Walker's work.