Alien Lands at Military Base; Asks to "Stay for a Few Days"

In a startling press conference earlier today the White House admitted that several months ago our planet was visited by an extraterrestrial explorer. Then, taking a moment to correct his statement, Tom Rikes, the President's spokesman admitted, "well, not so much an explorer as a squatter."
Apparently the alien in question, who landed his craft at Whyteman Air Base in Nebraska, had been kicked out by his parents and needed 'to crash'. The White House agreed to let him stay temporarily in exchange for the technology on his ship, which the alien admitted "was a junker anyway". But now, in desperation, the Bush administration has gone public with his presence in an attempt to get him to leave.
"It's not that he's a bad guy," Rikes noted apologetically, "it's just that he's not very considerate. He lays around all day and won't get a job. He eats everything in the White House refrigerator and constantly makes long distance phone calls that he won't pay for. If he would just clean up a little, or maybe not invite so many friends over it wouldn't be so bad. But he doesn't seem to be at all motivated to be courteous or support himself financially."
In fact, according to the White House the 'visitor' has repeatedly ordered pizzas and kegs of beer that he charged to the President's credit card. When confronted with the situation he attempted to pay for the charges with several valuable paintings he had stolen from the White House walls earlier that day.
"We're not prudes at the White House," Rikes continued, "we're cool. But when this guy is in our crib trying to sell drugs to the Prime Minister of Japan, then we've got a problem." Rikes went on to say that the drugs in question had also been stolen, but he refused to reveal from whom.
Currently the White House hopes to 'shame' the alien into leaving. If that fails, the President has authorized the Secret Service to treat the visitor to a night on the town, during which all of his belongings will be moved out onto the street and the locks will be changed.