Dead Rising From Graves To Avenge The Making Of 'Dukes of Hazzard' Film

Early reports from Warner Brothers Studios are terrifying as an army of zombies sweeps through the studio lot, eating the flesh of every person in sight. Similar reports are coming in from the homes of such 'stars' as Willie Nelson and Jessica Simpson. After careful consultation, religious leaders agree. The dead are rising to avenge the making of the "Dukes of Hazzard" movie. As Nelson Stern, head of the National Theological Union notes, "I mean, Steven Seagal has been asking for it for years, but the Duke boys? That was just going too far. What the hell did these idiots expect?"
This supernatural reaction to a new film is not without precedent. Many theologans have pointed out that all of Willliam Shatner's films have all been preceeded by a rain of blood, while the opening of the eighties film 'Ishtar' caused forty days of darkness around the globe. But, they admit, never before has any film been able to provoke attacks by an army of flesh eating zombies.
"Then again, " Stern related to our correspondant," look at this film. The jerkwater premise, the lousy dialog, the brainless cast. If any film deserved this, the "Dukes of Hazzard" would be it. Short of having Seagal do a cameo, or having William Shatner sing the soundtrack, there was little else they could do to make this film worse."
Industry experts agree. In an official statement from Warner Brothers, the company explains," when making movies at this quality level, the occasional retribution from the living dead is to be expected. All we can do is board up the windows, lock the gates and see if any of them care to star in the new Romero film."