GM Cuts 30,000 Blue Collar Workers, Retains 38 Vice Presidents

In yet more depressing economic news, the GM corporation has announced it intends to cut 30,000 blue collar jobs in the US. This number represents just under 10% of GM's global workforce. These manufacturing workers will now join the legions of Americans entering the service (also known as the 'starvation') sector of the American economy.
There was one bright spot, however, as GM announced it has managed to retain its 38 Vice Presidents, along with assorted other corporate officers. While the areas overseen by these officers are nebulous, overlapping, and often superfluous, the GM corporation felt a need to maintain it's reputation of integrity and reliability in the face of a hostile economic environment. As one unnamed official pointed out, "these guys are counting on us and we don't intend to let them down!"
Economic experts have repeatedly pointed out that GM, like many companies, could easily scale down its number of corporate officers. Since any one of them represents the equivalent payroll of thirty or more blue collar employees, such reductions would actually be extremely useful to the bottom line. Or, as other economic pundits have pointed out, the corporate officer positions could be outsourced to Latin America or Asia, where such officials are used to making a fraction of their US counterparts.
But GM has remained stalwart in the face of such criticism, declaring that if the US economy is to remain strong it must be composed of people with disposable incomes that make them viable consumers. As our unnamed source noted, "we at GM only wish there was some way to ensure this consumer base exists on a large scale. But if such a method exists, we haven't found it."